One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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