We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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