Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Randomize
