As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
