Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
