Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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