I just made out with a guy for $7.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
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Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
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I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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