wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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