i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
