By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
