Your mouth is God's brothel.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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