The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
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Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
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I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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