Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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