We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
