So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
