And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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