Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
