i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
