If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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