do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
