There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
