the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
