Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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