his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
