Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
