I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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