Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
