We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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