I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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