The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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