You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
