I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
