The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
