That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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