LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
