WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I am one with the molecules
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
