respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
