It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
