You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
