Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
