i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize