It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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