She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
