I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
