i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
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