I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
