New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
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then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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