U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
