Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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