if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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