I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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