I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
