Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
