We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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