that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
