I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
