pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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