We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
