im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
