Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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