paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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