Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
