Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
