So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
