i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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