Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
