Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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