Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
