all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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