Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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