its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
