before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
