My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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