wrigley field is MILF paradise
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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