I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
