i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
