she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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