Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
