He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
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Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
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I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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