I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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