Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
