Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
