he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
did you just send me my own nude
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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