Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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