i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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