i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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