I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
