90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
