she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
did you just send me my own nude
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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