it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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