I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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