Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize