I love watching others lives come down to our level.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
